Spare Thoughts

reversing into happiness..

2008-08-30T04:51:00.002+08:00

it feels good when something makes you feel close to a person,
even though you're already feeling happy with that someone,
and this thing/event makes it happier..
things will work out.
i'm sorry,
maybe i shouldn't be forgiven,
cause i wouldn't know what i'd have done,
if you hadn't find out...
i'm glad you did,
cause it made me learn how to love (you) even more..
others maybe attractive,
distracting at times,
making my mind digress,
but i'd know where my heart is,
and it is,
as now,
unflinching..
i wish i could show it to you,
that my heart is unflinching,
cause that would be the best way to mend your aching heart,
but,
i can't..
and for that,
you might not be able to forgive..
but believe me,
though i'd understand that it'd be hard to trust my words,
that my heart is,
as now,
yours,
and,
as now,
my love only belongs to you..
a thousand apologies,
couldn't fill the hole i've dug,
and,
at times,
i wish i stepped into the whole,
to end this misery of hurting you,
cause,
hurting you, i found out, hurts me even more..
it pains me,
to see you second guess yourself,
asking yourself, if you're good enough,
when,
the sole reason i got you in the first place,
was that,
i believed you're more than good enough..

i hope pouring my heart out allows me to find myself.. cause i'm feeling lost..

i'm enjoying anonymity, i'm confused, n i couldn't ask for more.

2008-08-24T11:29:00.002+08:00

ambiguity.

i already want to go for a holiday. 3 weeks into skool. haha. i want to feed this want in myself, to go a holiday on my own, all alone. or mayb with the soccer team. i don't think i can go with shaz, so that's that. i want something different.

not this, all over again..

2008-08-14T12:37:00.002+08:00

one song summarises thoughts now..

----------
End of Nothing (Funeral For A Friend)

Well killing you
Might be the only chance I have
Of recovering
But I know it's so severe
'Cause you know it would be
The punishment it fits the crime

So let's take this knife (Take this knife)
And run it down your chest
Does this feel like love? (Feel like love)
Here we are waiting

So let's take this knife
And run it down your chest
Does this feel like love?
Here we are waiting

The light feels good against
The bruises on your cheek
Another battle that you'll have to wear this week
The light feels good against
The bruises on your cheek
Another battle that you'll have to wear this week

Well killing me
Might be the only chance you have
Of recovering
But I know it's so severe
'Cause you know it would be
The punishment it fits your crime

You will die
We'll die from tonight
You will die
We'll die from tonight
You will die
We'll die from tonight
You will die
We'll die alone
----------

These things aren't supposed to happen. Or maybe, my mind refuses to accept, cause I was brought up learning that violence is never the answer. Its an irony when I say this, cause, its not as if I've never resorted to violence, but as much as I've tried to explain why I did it, I understand that there is no justification for resorting to it. It was a spur of the moment kind of thing, where fists flew faster than the mind could think. I'm not gonna elaborate more on the giving party/receiving end of this, as elaboration would only mean "pointing fingers", and I'm never one who likes to do that. I thrive on the vagueness when I blog.

The only thing I'd like to add is that, I've had two real-life experience with this shit, and both parties in both experiences never worked out, and in one serious consequences occurred. Please do not be the third. Think it through.

The tag reads, "Made in Singpaore."

2008-06-23T08:28:00.003+08:00

Lions Unlikely to Roar in Asia

basically its the bottom part of the article which is what I was surprised at to read. its kind of surprising reading what is mentioned, written by someone else whom I don't think is Singaporean, and yet is so true. what's funny is that I've never seem such opinions being published in papers here. majority of the editors and publishers are probably ethnic Chinese as well. haha. joke.

this brings me to another point. i detest people who possess this "mob mentality" and find that going to watch soccer as a group in the stadium, is an excuse to be rowdy and make fucked up comments about players. was at the Uzbek thrashing of S'pore some time back and i hated it when this "majority" (if you know what I'm talking about) criticized players and labeled them "useless" and "stupid". i mean, if you think you're so good play lah! that's why they had to bring in the imports what.. cause you never play. and then there was this guy who labeled Jiayi, "made in China" when he made a bad pass. that bugger became a citizen to play soccer here and you're criticizing him? at least he got of his China butt and contributed to S'pore soccer unlike you munching on your cheeseburger, sitting on the concrete steps of the "soon-to-be-torn-down" National Stadium. haha. hopefully i killed a few birds with that stone. haha.

"With two of palindromical names, the smaller one suits you better," I said.

2008-05-29T14:39:00.004+08:00

so my fingers stretched, in a manner which they have not done so for a long time, tweaking with every depression of buttons on the keyboard. drawn back. fist clenched. knuckles cracked. inspiration has yet to land, this boring morning. at least this morning's not hot.

pal·in·drome [pal-in-drohm]
–noun

1.	a word, line, verse, number, sentence, etc., reading the same backward as forward, as Madam, I'm Adam or Poor Dan is in a droop.

The Late Bloomer.

2008-04-18T12:49:00.003+08:00

was reading the papers and this article/picture caught my eye, about the British surveillance culture thing. was talking about being under CCTV surveillance 24/7 with my mom that day.

people in S'pore will not feel so paranoid, cause if you think of it, we do not have CCTVs on the corner of every street. we have STOMP.... :)

oh, and to some people, be a disgrace from all i care. i hope they pick you up and spit you out, just like what you deserve. your friends can stroke your probably "already-is" massive egos, but from this end of the spectrum, you people are not all that beautiful after all. many of you look like ladyboys. hatred for these kinda people runs deep, i'm sorry..

for many daylilies bloom, only after the sun sets, just as this one does..

initiation is one thing, reciprocation is a whole different ball game..

2008-04-13T20:29:00.003+08:00

i hate de rossi. could have got my a-d cause of that idiot penalty miss.. its a sign (or so i think, as i always do...) make me happy vogel... :)

life's getting more and more.............. tiring. or is it that i'm sick. either one, not that much of a diff. my eyes are burning, my throat's sore, i shock people every time i sneeze. the only think i'm thankful for is that i do not have a fever and my body doesn't ache. i wanna rest. i'm fatigued.

replies are a few and far in between.

Can't Help But To Judge..

2008-04-01T17:36:00.001+08:00

its so cliche when someone puts up a picture of something rather controversial, and they also tell people to "not judge them." i mean, think of it first lah, then put the picture up, if you don't want people to judge you.

either, not put the picture up, or don't tell people to not judge you. face people's judgments head-on, if you got the balls to, but then again, not everyone has balls. haha.

oh, and some people should just get over relationships which ended 1 year ago and get on with life. and other people's relationships, are other people's own business.

only God can judge me..

"What if"'s only make you question the space-time continuum.

2008-03-21T14:47:00.002+08:00

i hate it when i ask myself what if this happens, and what if that happened. i mean, i'm fairly happy with my life, as of now. nothing complicated about it at all. i'm able to enjoy and go out, and stuff.

but sometimes, you get pissed at yourself for thinking that sometimes, or some time in the past, you didn't actually, go (or went for) what you actually wanted. instead, you sat back, and, that thing, that person, that opportunity, passed you by. damn. i hate questioning decisions.

does your make-up melt when you club?? haha..

2008-03-17T09:27:00.000+08:00

About Me:
I have been hovering mentally, as of late. Finding myself.

I love, that moment in time, where you collide into an imaginary wall of imagery, your mind creates from pondering, almost aimlessly, about life in general, or about specific aspects of life which you wish you could have changed, without affecting the space-time continuum.

Say, I'm a mental retard, say i think too much, say what you want, say what you will, in the words of a great Incubus song, "You could never offend, cause your dirty words come out, clean..."

I'm not as complexed as i think. Haha.

esitiroirp nafri

2008-03-06T15:00:00.002+08:00

past few days been so fucked up. hate waking up not knowing what to do. people fuck up plans or plans fuck up people? i think plans fuck up people. actually i don't really know.

i need a solid plan. when we were in school, we so wanted out. now that i'm out, i feel like i need direction. it starts today.

help! the world is shrinking..

2008-02-28T13:01:00.002+08:00

i find it (not very weird, but) weird (enough) when someone whom you used to have a thing for, now has the hots for someone else, who was friends with a close friend of yours now. its like everyone knows each other, somehow. i guess i can finally swallow the fact that someone 3000kilometres away, can actually be separated by just 3 degrees of friends.

i don't know if its necessarily good or bad, if i like it or not, but i missed the days when the only friends that mattered was that one degree of people around you. life seemed simpler, less complicated, less heartache, but, then again, why should i care for anyone else in the first place.

i need spell-check to amend how i spell separated. not "seperated" IRFAN...

teh petery grlis wlil sictk tgoeehr..

2008-02-26T19:29:00.002+08:00

some days i love staying at home, some days i totally hate staying at home. luckily today is one of the former.

if you're 555, then i'm 666

2008-02-23T21:09:00.003+08:00

6 days. 6 days of popping pills at 2 or sometimes 4am in the morning. 6 days of not shaving, in fear of scarring myself. 6 days of slacking at home; Ultimate Fighter at 11am, Room 401 at don't know what fucking time in the afternoon watching the same episode everyday, countless (same) episodes of Yo Momma and My Fat Fabulous Wedding. mtv never felt so boring, till you get chicken pox. 6 days.

i wanna buy a book.

OMFG.. its been awhile..

2008-01-09T23:58:00.000+08:00

haven't blogged for like forever.. don't think anyone would read this..

was cleaning up my room and found something very interesting.. a list of wants and needs i created sometime in 2007, tho 2008 is only like 10 days old..

Wants
blackburn away jersey, onitsuka tigers, matt top guitar like jack johnson's, nice shades, new ipod, nice sweater.

Needs
set of running shoes, pair of soccer boots, a job, an organized pencil case.

a decent of wants and needs.. relatively straight forward.. in 2007, i thought i'd get it in a month's time to celebrate 08'.. or that what i told myself.. let's see what i have now, seperated into wants and needs..

Wants
blackburn away jersey CHECK - thanks guys and girls for the gift
onitsuka tigers SEMI-CHECK - got a pairs of nice Macbeths instead
guitar SEMI-CHECK - my bro got this acoustic guitar
nice shades UNCHECK
new ipod SEMI-CHECK - coming very soon
nice sweater CHECK

Needs
running shoes UNCHECK
soccer boots UNCHECK
job CHECK
pencil case UNCHECK

so unbalanced.. maybe i should move more of my needs to wants.. haha..

"The former, sir." I said to myself.

2007-10-25T01:16:00.000+08:00

i came up with something interesting at course today.. fyi, i went for the first half of a two day course at the ST Building, in the Tanjong Pagar area.. has got to do with Communication and Relationship Management..

so, back to the story.. i came up with an answer that i couldn't imagine me coming up with.. haha.. i felt like Edward Norton in American History X, only for the exception of his skinhead/neo-Nazi/white supremest sentiments..
the question was like, given the following terms, which would you rate, from first to last, in order of importance to yourself.. the terms: Nationality, Race, Religion, Age Group & Gender.

so my answer was (in order of importance to myself) : Religion, Race, Nationality, Gender & Age Group. and i thought that was the end of things, but AK (the instructor) told us to explain why it was ranked that way.. Derek Vinyard (Norton's on-screen character) took over me at this point..

Religion : Religion keeps someone's feet planted firmly to the ground. It provides a sort of guidance for that individual. I know that its a fallacy for me to say that a person without religion is misguided, but in my opinion, religion sets a number of guidelines, a sort of vision and mission for an individual to follow, and not deviate from.

Race : Race is very much related to religion, in my opinion, and from the example of myself being a Malay/Muslim. It is also important for an individual to recognize his race as a ton of history is behind "race". The history of your parents, of your grandparents, it is all behind race. Singapore adopted and became a multicultural country because of migrants, and they carry a wealth of knowledge, culture, etc. that would encompass race. That's the reason I rank race second.

Nationality : I think Singapore has done a great job, with regards to assimilation (in the initial stages) and I recognize that such ideas like NS and stuff, managed to gel people of different races together. If I was not given Religion and Race as two other choices, Nationality would definitely be first, no doubt. Some of my closest friends are not Malays, and some of my enemies are Malay.

Gender : In my opinion, I place Gender fourth as it is very much underrated. I mean we all recognize women nowadays are much more successful as compared to before, but in my honest opinion (without it being debated in parliament), I do not think that Gender Equality is very much recognized. I mean, we do not have to go too far to see examples. Take the pledge: "regardless of race, language and religion." And where's Gender Equality. That is why, in my honest opinion it would be ranked fourth.

Age Group : Age group is last as, even if someone younger than me is better than me, I would give the person due respect deserved. Not insulting or putting down experience, I respect experience, but the main crux of the matter here is Age Group. That is why I put it last.

these words like spewed from my mouth, and I was glad i let it go..

and to think that AK said, just prior to this;
"When Mr Irfan rests his head on his hands, I don't know if he is organizing his thoughts to answer my next question, or if he is just day-dreaming."
--> look at my title.. =)

the sun sets on this mini chapter in my life..

2007-10-23T23:10:00.000+08:00

just realised.. i'm gonna miss so much stuff after my last day.. mostly spending lepak time with the guys at work, playing ping-pong (YES!! PING PONG!!), visiting the yellow box, friday afternoon soccer sessions.. ya.. these are like the main stuff I will miss.. haha.. after not winning any trophies or anything throughout NS (still sore about not getting Best Shot during BMT.. )-= , i won 3 trophies during my short stay in PTD.. power lah! haha..

You think you know?? You have no idea.....

2007-09-21T15:27:00.000+08:00

I decided to do some fun blogging today.. i'm gonna share some things that people (or rather, not many people) know about me.. =)

1. I talk and move about (not sleepwalking) in my sleep (sometimes, but apparently quite alot)

And by move about, I don't exactly mean walk but some stuff which i don't exactly know.. I remembered one occasion whereby my brother told me that i was swinging my bolster pretending to be playing baseball.. haha.. can just imagine how that looks like.. and apparently i told him that i wanna beat up someone, and i threw some punches into thin air.. haha.. and just a fortnight ago, Shaz called me in the middle of the night and asked me where i was.. i was sleeping at home, and apparently i told her that i in the driving circuit, going thru a lesson.. she apparently asked, "At one o'clock in the morning?!" and i replied, "Ya! I'm driving. Don't call me." haha.. that's me..

2. I apparently have a weird sense of taste, esp when it comes to drinks

Let me name a few drinks i like to order at coffee joints and bubble tea shops, and you decide for yourself..

Green Tea Frap,
Cinnamon Ice Blended (with more cinnamon sprinkled on top),
Ice Blended Yam Oreo with/without pearls,
Mixture of Chin-chau and Soya Bean (cold)

I can't go on naming anymore at this moment, but ya, apparently, these drinks are "weird".. I don't know i like them alot.. In the end, my friends and I, decided that my "weird" taste represents me.. I don't think its weird, but I don't know many people who like them either..

the first taste of Irfan you get is different and lights up your senses,
but it leaves such an irritating aftertaste.. HAHA.. I don't find these drinks weird..

3. I'm not playing in any band, as of now

Don't talk about playing in band, I haven't played the guitar in a long long time.. though i'm thinking of making the transition to bass guitar and really get down learning the different techniques of playing the bass..

I miss the sounds of guitars and bass in an-already-claustrophobic-room, with the ear-drum-shattering sounds of the snare and crash of the drums, accompanied, most of the time, by a singer who's out of tune.. haha.. i miss those days..

Hope to start on the bass soon and hopefully discover a whole new sound.. to be honest with you, most of the bass players i knew were not so good at guitars and had to settle with the bass.. i wanna be good at playing bass.. to think of it, the bass has always had an appeal with me.. from Matt Freeman (Rancid) and Mike Dirnt (Greenday) early on, to Flea (RHCP) and Alex Katunich (Dirk Lance - Incubus) during the funk and modern rock switch, to Shavo (SOAD) during my System of A Down stages, and to metal basslines, it has always appealed to me.. i like how a song doesn't sound "full" without the bass.. haha..

4. Most of the time, I have 2 voices in my head

People may call it schizo or something, but seriously, i think it keeps me in check.. one is good irfan, and another is bad irfan.. haha..

5. My "taste" in the opposite sex is quite specific

Let me put it straight on the table.. after much questioning, with my inner-self, i conclude that i have something for fair malay girls.. not exactly chinese looking, but fair..

i think its quite unfair that i eliminate a lot of beautiful darker/tanner skinned malay girls, but ya.. that's my taste..

that's why i got Shazleen.. (;

haha..

the most shocking thing about me

i love metal and hardcore music, but two of my most favourite songs are.......................

We Belong Together - Mariah Carey &

Cool - Gwen Stefani

HAHAHAHA..

No more STOOPID officework........

2007-09-19T09:39:00.000+08:00

life is so great when your boss goes for a dental appointment in the morning.. feel so bloody good that she ain't here to disturb me..

so i've not been blogging for some time now, and sharing stuff with people.. well, i've not exactly been super busy, but not un-busy also.. just plain lazy to log in and type..

well, the fasting month's been good, and just as I said that, someone must make some coffee and tempt me with the smell.. went out with suf and the guys the other day and had a hell of a time.. haha.. first in deciding where to go (all NSPIs, are not good in making decisions), then in chilling and buying goods, then food at arab street, then slacking on carpets and falling asleep whilst slacking with your friends, then driving to Jurong thru NUS in THE WRONG DIRECTION, then getting lost on the way back from Jurong, then puking on my staircase.. summarised the whole day... haha... what a day...

i'm beginning to blog shittly.. nothing to write, don't narrate.. haha..

Cry, 'Havoc!' and let slip the dogs of war. (3.1.268) - Julius Caesar

2007-08-20T12:11:00.000+08:00

I'm going crazy thinking of ORD, so I came up with a wishlist... Haha, yup another visual wishlist...

first off, this guitar used by Matt Skiba (Alkaline Trio).. Whoa!!!!! --> http://www.washburn.com/skiba/

Second, this keychain from Pride FC.. if anyone is going Japan, pls tell me.. I WANT this.. big fan of Pride FC.. http://www.pridefc.com/

third.. this Lamb of God CD.. comes with a DVD and is on sale at HMV... *hint hint

and I need a pair of jeans.. black, not corduroy, or mayb blue, faded.... haha...

They say, "Metal is the music of the Devil." But what I say is rap & pop is the real Devil's music, with its lifestyle, glamourising sex, money, etc..

2007-08-01T15:24:00.000+08:00

My girlfriend is moving into hostel soon.. Haha.. And I feel like going over to take a peepe at how hostel rooms are and how's life there like.. Sounds fun.. But I know alot of people who choose to stay at home after a year or a sem at hostel.. Haha.. See how it goes, I guess.. Make it as fun, while it lasts.. Haha.. Smoking pot apparently makes you go schozio-.. Haha, RANDOM..

I'm looking for some countdown timer to countdown the seconds to my ORD.. November 4th!! Which is a sunday, so I'll be collecting my NRIC on the 2nd!! Hell yeah... Hopefully Rickson got me that buffer job while I'm unemployed..

I hate days when you feel so lazy to do any work.. Facing one now.. I think I'll call it the "Worker's Block" Haha..

i love you Shazleen...

2007-07-22T20:35:00.001+08:00

love you baby..

2007-07-20T08:46:00.000+08:00

Havne't did this in a long time, but I'm posting song lyrics. So much for growing out of metal/core. For that short period that i didn't listen to it, and went over to the softer side, my ears "itched". Haha. Actually, songs I listen to are relevant in mirroring the modern angst, anguish and despair, experienced by middle-class people.

----------------------------------------
Walk With Me In Hell

Pray for blood,
Pray for the cleansing,
Pray for the flood,
Pray for the end of this nightmare.
This lie of a life can as quickly as it can dissolve.
We seek only reprieve and welcome the darkness.
The myth of a meaning so lost and forgotten (forgotten).

Take hold of my hand,
For you are no longer alone.
Walk with me in hell.

Pray for solace,
Pray for resolve,
Pray for a savior,
Pray for deliverance, some kind of purpose.
A glimpse of a light in this void of existence.

Now witness the end of an age.
Hope dies in hands of believers.
Who seek the truth in the liar's eye.

Take hold of my hand,
For you are no longer alone.
Walk with me in hell.
-----------------------------------

Causal Effect, and I think Jennier Hewitt has huge boobs, as I'm watchin Ghost Whisperer.

2007-07-06T22:02:00.000+08:00

First things first. Here's how wearing green over the weekends helps to Save Gaia.

If both you and me, assuming we both are strangers, are wearing green --> We'll feel that people are supporting this Go Green concept thing --> When we shop for something small, we'll turn down the offer of the salesperson when he says, "Do you want a carrier for that?" --> When we buy something bigger, and if the carrier is plastic, we'd think of how we can use it again so that we don't throw it away after one use

Two less plastic bags would be given out, more if more people turn them down. The next order of plastic bags the store makes would either be less in quantity or the order would be stretched for a longer period before it is made. However, due to the contracts signed by the store and the plastic bag manufacturer, the two a/m may not happen. So what we need to do, or what we should do is to wear green for this weekend, not to only share our support, but also to have this mindset in ourselves. We have been infected by consumerism, the idea of "buy buy buy". I have been infected by this too. Slowly, with small stuff like these, hopefully, we'd be reminded of how much we took from the land that has already given us so much. Actually, its not something that we should do, its something we must do.

I am what I am. I don't have a quarter-life crisis. I'm a blank slate. Zero debts, zero liabilities. Low-valued assets, low liquidity. I start here.

2007-06-20T22:56:00.000+08:00

SUPEREGO - keeps people in check and IT - the person's intrinsic sense of right and wrong shaped by society and him/herself, acts as a guidance to follow a certain path in life, choosen and specified by him/herself.. someone pls vet this for me... can we rely on this to keep the world in check??

i don't think so.. i get pissed when i read the paper.. the one today about this guy who whacked another with a baseball bat near Zouk.. the whole starting part of the article, i didn't get pissed, only till the end.. apparently, they got the lawyers to try to reduce the sentence, with arguments like the parents standing in society ie. i forgot the dad's job, but they added that the mom was a principal, and arguments like how he comes from a family with a proper upbringing, and stuff.. puuh-leeeze...

if your mom is a principal, and you did something like this, perhaps she should serve time with you, cause she did not spend enough time with the child, to inculcate proper values.. cuff the whole family!!! perhaps she outsourced the work to the maid, her mom (his grandma) and teaching time, outsourced to the tutor.. f-off.. i hate people like this.. gone where the days where parents accepted their children's wrong-doing, and would only pay to make sure their children gets off the hook with the least amount of sentencing as possible.. so much for learning from mistakes..

The overdosed drug addict kills himself, whilst drunken alcoholic kills others in a drink driving accident..

2007-06-14T16:46:00.000+08:00

this is the second time that i've had problems with my bloody tagboard, so from now on, if your fingers feel itchy and wanna comment, pls just click on the 0 other thoughts at the bottom of each post. i hate having trouble with the freaking board and making a new one.

sure you heard of my ramblings of leeds. well, i bought blackburn's jersey! Half price. currently the best thing i bought at the great singapore sale. what have i bought so far?? i don't think i've bought anything else. not shopping, and at the same time knowing that GST's gonna be 7% on 1st July, and i'm only getting $100 extra, which will probably go back into my savings. oh ya, i bought this other dkny shirt for $40. ok lah. two things.

actually tyoed some stuff about my title, but i got a little close too heart and was bordering being "politically incorrect", if i believe there's such a thing.

CHANGE: Do places change people, or do people change people?

2007-06-07T20:29:00.000+08:00

Was browsing through friendster most of the day, at work and now at home.. there, i looked for long lost friends, new acquaintances through other friends, or just browse through ones who are not even related to me.. just feeding this intrinsic, sometimes voyeuristic, curiosity of mine.. i don't know if its the same for others, but i think I'm on the right "generalization" here.. at home, i just go through people who viewed me, friends who updated their pictures or profiles, and the usual maintenance stuff.. and this sometimes feels like revenge.. view me, and I'll view you back, just to make sure that not remaining anonymous has its perks maintained.. haha.. I'm crazy sometimes..

But what, I wouldn't say irked me, affected me more was that how friends can change within a single year through university, National Service or other pursuits of life.. I'll split them up and we'll answer the question; 'Do places change people, or do people change people?", a little later on..

1. University

People seem more mature. Partners change, surroundings change, and people seem to pursuing what they want more. Correct me wherever I'm wrong. I think people actually see other people and actually question, "What if I'm with that someone-else?" Dangerous, but true i think. Sad, but true too. Yes, of course, some partners stay true, but I've seen too many who haven't. I guess JCs and Polys are lakes, but University would be the ocean. A fisherman would catch more fish in a bigger water body, ceteris paribus. People also seem to be going to do what they've always wanted more, I think. More people, bigger place. Okay, so first round, place VS people, its draw on the scorecards.

2. NS

People get fitter. Some shrink. Green, blue and..... Blue. Couldn't find a better color to describe CD, sorry. Buffer bodies, toned arms and comments by long lost friends on oh "how charming you have become." Doesn't that mean that the guy was ugly before?? Think about it. Girls especially. Friends change. For better or for worse, till death do us part. Literally. Be it dunking of heads during training, or death by airplane crash, literally. More people, not necessarily bigger place. People win, hands down.

3. Other Pursuits

My impression of other pursuits is like overseas studying or private education. Overseas, people grow bigger, not necessarily fatter, but bigger. Super-sized food has its effects. And i guess having less friends who know you prior to that overseas stint, means less people telling you, directly or indirectly, how proportionately or disproportionately, become. And family too. I think only family can getaway with comments like "Maybe you should lose some weight?" or "Boy.. You're growing." Correct me if I'm wrong. People lesser, place, definitely a bigger influence. Place, hands down.

So on the scorecards, 2 points for people, 2 points for place. A draw. Thanks a lot for entertaining me. Have a nice day! :)

torn btwn: "how can you let go of something so beautiful?" or "kleptomania: a condition money can buy.."

2007-05-28T21:12:00.000+08:00

as you see from my choices for title, you realise that its hard for me to pick a title.. but if you've read my blog long enough, my titles don't usually add any value, or have any significance to the content of my post.. they're just random titles to unmatched entries.. i guess i've to go to primary school all over again to know the significance of titles..

actually, i do want to talk about or relate my entry to the title.. haha.. that's a first.. i'll not talk about the first one, but i just wanna repeat the first title to myself again.. ok, done..

serious man! kleptomaniacs is just a synonym for a rich theif.. impulse to steal, my ass.. if the idea of "right and wrong" is inherent in a person, there'd not even be a condition called kleptomania.. and if the person does not have that inherent idea in oneself, the person should be punished.. i think ignorance is a better excuse than kleptomania..

i just realise how stupid you are when you say, "the idiosyncrasies of life." doesn't that encapsulate everything that's weird and peculiar in life.. why does the english language have so many synonyms?? perhaps that's its beauty.. stolen words from various languages and chucked into the "rojak" called english.. english rojak anyone.. idiosyncrasy.. haha..

was going through some photos and i've realised what i actually want.. i want a room, with light-brown, "faded wood" kinda brown, walls, wooden floors (my floor now kinda wood.. haha..), brown, not built in cupboards, small drawers on rollers which i can move around and use as a temporary seat, a low bed frame with space under the bed, a computer chair that doesn't roll around, but more like a real chair.. i like the aged look of some people's bedroom.. not exactly the old look, but vintage and contemporary... i just realised the irony of that statement.. but all i want is my own room.. i think i wanna clearout my third bedroom and make it mine.. currently i'm sharing it with my brother.. i'll do it next year.. once i get my laptop, i'll make that room mine.. but i hate those built in cupboards.. maybe, i'll paint them brown or like those aged effects paint.. extreme makeover: bedroom edition, the end of this year.. haha.. only difference, i'll be the contractor and i'll shock myself with the result.. haha..

in search of inspiration; i found laughter, my favourite superhero, an imaginary accident & the imagination of somone being more than a friend..

2007-05-17T22:20:00.000+08:00

what is loyalty when the owners of the club you support all this while let it slide to the position, let me add, the AWFUL position, it is in?? loyalty is equivalent to nothing..

let me say what i mean.. i'm a Leeds fan.. i wouldn't say hardcore.. but i've supported them when they were in debt, when they had to sell viduka, woodgate, kewell, boyer, and the saddest, Alan Smith... i supported them when they were relegated to the Championship.. of course there were good times, UEFA and stuff.. but their relegation this season was the last thing was able to handle.. yes they fought hard.. third last, but still relegated.. but administration.. that's sad.. 10 point deduction cause of one guy's and the board's folly around a decade ago.. i bet my loyalty..

i found another team with the hard playing style i like.. a team which looked like leeds before their downfall.. i'm now a blackburn fan.. you think i'm like a fucker who changes support just like that, but put yourself in my shoes.. two seasons in Europe before leeds fell to 14th and then to the Championship.. and now League 1..

Leeds for Blackburn.. hopefully blackburn qualifies for UEFA next season!! long live Mark Hughes and Blackburn..

with that, i'll move on to what i want..
first, this Lonsdale Blackburn jersey..
second this Adidas predator.. its not as if i'm going for a fucking expensive shoe or something.. i used basic Puma boots previously, and a broken hand-me-down pair of Adidas before that.. this pair is long overdue.. maybe next month.. this would set you back $245 if you buy it for me.. haha..

i don't think that you should have done what you did, whatever your reason, whoever you did it to..

2007-05-10T00:11:00.000+08:00

sometimes, you think of what people did and you try, cracking your mind in the process, to find a reason why they did it, and you think to yourself, "why the heck did they actually do it?" sometimes people don't make sense.. sometimes i don't make sense.. i guess the only one who TRULY understands is th person making the decision him/herself.. just cause i'm a friend, don't think i'll back your decisions.. i'm fiercely protective of my opinions and if i don't think that you should have done what you did, i'll tell it right to your face.. even if you're a friend.. a true friend is one who tells you that you have greens stuck in your teeth, is one who tells you that you're face is getting more pimply and you should do something about it, is one who tells you that the way you style your is ugly, you get my gist.. i'll be a true friend..

that aside, though most readers would not get what the freaking fuck i'm talking about, i wanna say something.. i hate pop-ups.. ok that's random cause a pop-up actually popped up, but back to what i wanna say today.. what did i wanna say??

oh ya.. today was the worst day of work ever.. i was flooded with work and it doesn't help that i have had to "split myself into two" and balance that with dry-runs of the competition which i'm involved in..(i was chosen as emcee.... don't laugh..) but it helped that i found inspiration and actually pulled thru the dry-runs.. haha.. sometimes, thinking about occasions with different people gets you outta stress, and taking the persona of someone else really helps.. heh... somehow, presenting and getting ready made my day.. but the day of reckoning would be tmr.. haha.. wish me all the best!!(i don't believe in luck, though it struck me a few times this month...)

i will volunteer... i will involve myself in anything that promotes me.. i will get at least a silver for IPPT.. i will achieve my outstanding grade for ns.. i will continue my "alternate day" running routines around my neighbourhood.. i'll keep myself fit.. i'll maintain my BMI.. i will not let myself slip into a downward spiral of laziness and "unfit-ness".. i will not use my work as an excuse not to exercise.. i will not ask my parents for money unless i really need it.. i will help my mom clean up the house this Saturday, as i don't believe that work is a valid excuse to neglect this place i call home.. i will save more money.. i will make sure i keep the 100 my friend owes me in my money box.. i will find inspiration to take ns day-by-day till i ORD.. i will make sure i'll strive to achieve all my targets.. i will catch the movies i wanna catch, whoever its with, even if i must watch it alone.. i will spend more time with Asyraf, whom i've not seen for a long time.. i will spend more time with my cousins as they have reached "going-out" age, and i don't want them to mix witht the wrong people.. i will take note of their birthdays too.. i will be less fiercely protective of my opinions.. i will argue mush and listen more..

all this God-willing..

not pissed drunk, just bored and not knowing what to do, but just letting my brain cells rot away.

2007-05-01T10:11:00.000+08:00

hey guys.. pls watch this video.. i've been feeling emo lately..

sometimes listening to this song, makes me wish that my girl's name is delilah.. but, not that i can sing anyways, so ya... haha..

what if i said, "i fell in love with you when your light was captured by silver halide on nicrocellulose.."

2007-04-18T08:42:00.000+08:00

i was doing my usual morning paper-reading-on-the-toilet-seat routine and i read about the guy who forcefully tattooed his girlfriend's boobs and hands.. ok, it wasn't him who actually carried it out, twas his friend, but he did it nonetheless... i'm not saying that what he did was right.. it was totally and absolutely wrong.. it sickens me reading about such stuff something akin to acid defacing done to women in India..

but imagine.. imagine holding your daughter's hand on the way up to your flat... then you see your wife leaving the house with another man... you try to compose yourself when you already know that you can't take shit like that.. maybe there's an exaplanation, maybe there isn't.. so many thoughts racing through your head.. you tell yourself you'd hurt the guy bad, really bad.. but not in front of your child.. but she'd already gone through the ordeal, seeing her mom with another guy, and she'd probably ask, "Pa, who's that?" and you try to come up with an answer.. a friend? a colleague? a family member that you don't know of? or.... just, or... a guy she's seeing behind your back.. your child waiting for an answer, your mind going in a frenzy.. what'd you'd do?? till, that final thought, in a fit of rage... hurt her... its sad, but its what the guy might have been going through.. by law, the "fit-of-rage" argument cannot be seen as pre-planned and carried out, but clearly it was not the option at that point in time..

let me put the rhetorical out.. Adultery is wrong right? sometimes i feel in so many cases like these, the fact that one party is involved in adultery, is overshadowed, and only the result of what wrong the other party commits is "wrong".. rather sad that we live in the times like this when the crime makes the headlines and the real story is given a two-line mention..

what's women's rights if some are sluts???

2007-04-15T15:22:00.000+08:00

Was reading this forwarded mail about why men are happier people and i liked this few lines.... heh...

1) The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
2) You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
3) One mood all the time.
4) A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

And i happened to read a few days ago's Today, and i read this article bout someone critising those FHM models who pulled off that stunt on radio some time back.. This is what i don't get bout women.. I won't comment if i think those girls should have done what they did, or should they have been asked by those supposedly "shock-jocks" (cause i think being labelled a shock jock is situation-specific, and in Singapore where a mention of "white underwear" on radio is obscene, i guess something like this is "shocking".. and i'm not going into why they should be sacked form radio, cause that issue is sensitive and would lead me going around in circles, and i'm not ready for this to be a "shock blog".. notice how the brackets can be an issue in itself..).

Why do some women want to defend the rights of women in such situations, when some women publicly put themselves across like that?? Fuck, if a guy shows his balls off, or takes his underwear off in two seconds, i think he's fucking queer and won't give a fuck about wanna protecting whatever rights he should have.. i read about how this lady said that the girls should have the courage to say no in such situations and walk away from doing such "cheap" stunts.. But it all boils down to that person i guess.. did she say no and walk away?? no.... sometimes i guess women's rights groups trying to prevent/deem such stuff obscene should just give up.. so long as there are girls like that, the cause is futile.. and it didn't help when my friend told me that one of the girls (didn't mention which one) was caught doing it in the bathroom of some poly...

lost in translation..

2007-04-09T15:53:00.000+08:00

haha, i had al laugh myself doing this... yes, its not original, and yes, its from FHM, but wat the heck, it makes me laugh.. tell me if it makes you laugh too.. haha..

ok, so i decided to translate this passage below, which introduces myself, where i work and stuff i do and shit like that.. then, i translated it to german at this site, http://babelfish.altavista.com/.. then i took the translated german passage and translated it back to English to have a good laugh.. enjoy.

english text:
My name is Irfan. I work in Police Techonology Department and my appointment is Assistant Manpower Officer. I like playing guitars as a past time and playing soccer is definitely one of my hobbies. As of late, my lunches have been occupied with me playing ping-pong. I'm definitely getting better at it, with cross-court smashes, smashing my opponents. Haha. Recently, I've also found another band to jam with. Trying to rope Rajan in to be the second guitarist, cause I believe i have a telepathic understanding with that guy. Today is Monday, and Monday blues is definitely a true phenomenon, but for now, I'm just looking forward to Monday night soccer with my friends. That's all for now.

german text:
Mein Name ist Irfan. Ich arbeite in der Polizei Techonology Abteilung und meine Verabredung ist behilflicher Arbeitskraft-Offizier. Ich mag Guitarren spielen, da a hinter Zeit und Spielenfußball definitiv eine meiner Liebhabereien ist. Ab spät sind meine Mittagessen mit mir Ping-pong spielend besetzt worden. Ich erhalte definitiv besser an ihm, wenn die Kreuz-Gericht Smashes, meine Konkurrenten zertrümmern. Haha. Vor kurzem habe ich auch ein anderes Band gefunden, um mit zu stauen. Zum Seil Rajan innen versuchen, der zweite Gitarrist zu sein, Ursache, die ich glaube, daß ich ein telepathic Verständnis mit diesem Kerl habe. Heutiger Tag ist Montag und Montag Blau ist definitiv ein zutreffendes Phänomen, aber für jetzt, bin ich gerechtes vorwärts schauen zum Montag Nachtfußball mit meinen Freunden. Alles das ist für jetzt.

german 2 english text: (funny)
My name is Irfan. I work in the police Techonology department and my appointment am a helpful worker officer. I may play Guitarren, since A behind time and play football is definitely one of my hobbies. My lunch were easily occupied off late with me Ping pong. I keep definitely better at him, if Smashes, my competitors destroy the cross court. Haha. Recently I found also another volume, also over to back-ups. To the rope Rajan inside try to be, the second guitarist, a cause, which I believe that I have telepathic an understanding with this chap. Today's day is Monday and Monday blue is definitely an applicable phenomenon, but for now, I am fair forward look to Monday night football with my friends. Everything that is for now.

haha.. well, everythin that is for now.. bye.. ;)

shortfall of a system which has honourable roots, but one which leads to an emphasis in image, adivertising and popularity..

2007-04-03T20:43:00.000+08:00

i cannot help but laugh to myself when i see this site... www.votefortheworst.com oh how it mocks democracy!!! in the face!! initially, american idol, and such shows introduced the novel and seemingly perfect idea of voting the one you feel most deserving of a prize, that is being the winner of the show, be it one million dollars, or world-wide popularity (proven wrong when Daughtry didn't win, addressed later)..

but mix it with producers idea of increased ratings and the popularity of the show, it spells the end of such a "perfect" idea (how ironic, somehow).. just go the webbie, and they'll explain their mission.. i hate double-counting and even worse, double-story-telling/plagiarism (haha..)..

my point in this entry is to say, in all the sarcasm, "what a good system democracy is.." look at where it has brought american idol, short of deleting the word "idol" and cancelling the "n" out of "american", if you get what i mean.. to me, a system works when it is either, self-perpetuating and brings about an equally good or even better outcome, or one which brings about healthy competition which leads to the same self perpetuation mention earlier.. but, when average/below average competitors are allowed to advertise, "buy votes" (though this would be not the case in the american idol fiasco mentioned earlier, not saying it is done elsewhere too.. ;-), and do such stuff which has a hand in the outcome of the system/event, the system crumbles..

so sad, esp when the system was conceptualised to give common folk a sense of power, and how they actually play a part in something they can never be a part of.. with great power comes great responsibility, but perhaps, sometimes, responsibility should only be given to those with power... i guess.. no, i vote... haha.. ;-)

unmoved, undaunted, unnerved.. am i, as of late.

2007-03-27T13:11:00.001+08:00

i don't let stuff affect me so much anymore... life's so much easier without deducing so much.. won't think of how ppl think of me, cause maybe, that's not what's actually in their heads..

has anyone watched the new anti-smoking ad?? if first saw it watching the stupid dance floor show on tv.. its disgusting and distasteful.. short of adding vulgarities in front of those adjectives.. disgusting.. how many smokers have you actually seen looking like that?? even, my mom, who's a world acclaimed anti-smoking advocate said its disgusting.. and shaz's nephew, in all her cuteness asked, "why her teeth like that?" and guess what shaz said?? she said cause the lady did not brush her teeth, fyi, this is usually my line to debunk anti-smoking commercials.. so in all her cuteness, tasa went to the toilet and brushed her teeth.. cute..

to me anti-smoking commercial has sunk to new lows with that commercial.. i think its actually backfiring.. first, there was the cancer stricken foot on the cigarette pack.. i mean who the hell smokes with their feet??!! i mean, we all know that smoking increases cancer risk, but dude, why the fuck put a degenerated foot on the box.. put a cancer stricken boob or a guy who has no balls to show breast and testicular cancer or something.. i'm sure that would kick the point in as compared to a foot (pun fully intended).. and now this commercial.. i mean even my dad said, "that's fake lah, its just make-up.." i should join the anti-smoking commercial development board or some shit board, which probably hires anti-smokers to come up with shitty commercials like these..

i feel this all boils down to a society which discriminate smokers..

Clean toilets are possible.. Let's make it happen..

2007-03-20T16:20:00.000+08:00

countdown to clocking off.. around two hours more.. isn't i amazing how time flies when you're busy, and when you have freaking no work, you can countdown till when you knock off.. haha.. today, i've got more free time, so i decided to blog a bit..

i think the workplace is where you get lotsa jokes.. haha..
What's Jose Mourinho's brother's name?
Jos-B Mourinho... hahaah...

i think that those Chew On It, jokes are rather lame.. haha.. like everytime i go to the loo here, i see those clean toilets comics.. one said of how this lady stood on the toilet bowl instead of sitting down and in the process, got her leg stuck.. i mean, how many people do you know who actually stand on the freaking toilet bowl.. stupid.... and it doesn't help that i'm peeing when i read it.. it becomes stupid-er.. i think they should just call such lame jokes, Pee On It.. i would if i didn't have to dirty my shoes.. haha.....

some of my work buddies.. the lame bunch.. haha..

annihilation of me and a certain someone from what some call the capture of a fleeting memory..

2007-03-15T21:48:00.000+08:00

the title is the longest song title i've ever seen..

i'm fucking angry.. cause of the new system of capturing attendance and absences, some of my peers did not get the money the were supposed to get for meals.. that's simply fucked up.. i get roughly around 900 dollars a month during NS, and i know that most are not as lucky as me to get this amount.. it is esp harder for these guys if they don't get the full amount that they are supposed to get..

well, as the person put in charge of seeing to matters like this, i corrected the error, which isn't even my fucking fault, and hopefuly, these guys would get their money sometime next week.. with great power, does indeed come great responsibility..

had a rather busy week.. looked into matters that i over-looked.. heh.. corrected them, got organised, got a hair-cut, got a new shirt, took lesser "staring-into-thin-air" breaks, got everything done quickly.. somehow, i learnt this week that when i'm fucking busy, i work better.. once i see that small space for me to slack, i'll fuckin slide....

aiyo, how does that little Burmese kid, Thu Roy, not use fuck, when i see "fuck" littered all over my blog.. ok, for Roy, for the kids, ill cut vulgarities......... ok, i'll try.. at most i'll censor...

dudes and dudettes, introducing a video from Atreyu, called The Theft.. pl take time to view this.. a tale of passion, conformity, social standards and elitism, leading to downfall and back to passion.. this is what it is to me.. enjoy..

sometimes i do..

2007-03-05T09:56:00.000+08:00

read something that made me laugh.. i rather like these kinda days, where you don't feel the burden of waking up, after feeling a little "lift" in the morning.. now, i know that whatever comes today, it'll be quite good..

yesterday can be forgotten, where i got a fucking swell at the side of my eye, cause instead of heading the ball during the soccer match, i head-ed someone's head.. looks like i got punched or something.. luckily we won 5-4.. the bruises were worth it...

sometimes i don't..

2007-02-25T09:57:00.000+08:00

woke up and straight away went on youtube.. watched some ufc, and reminded myself how Mirko Crocop was my favourite fighter.. couldn't bare to watch the match between him and Fedor Emilienko, where he lost.. haha..

bred friedel is the hero and it slips from arsenal.

2007-02-22T00:06:00.000+08:00

the title's just what's said on tv.. i'm bored.. i don't like fights/"misunderstandings"..

i was blog surfing just now, and i came across an old friend from bowen.. so i followed up on her boyfriend's blog, fyi, he ain't from bowen.. but his blog was like, "its the "eighty something day" of our relationship." (the "eighty something day" is as so to save my ass.. haha..) so i was like, what is 80 something days.. i'm with shaz for 3 years, and we didn't even started counting days.. ok, girls can say its "romantic", but i say "oh please".. imagine if you get married.. not only the count would go into the thousands, but how'd you remember other stuff, like how much was last month's bill, how many days since my child was born, how many days more till my car needs servicing, how many more days of leave i must clear, etc. etc.. i'm not saying its not romantic to keep track of stuff like the number of days in the relationship, but, please, romance can be shown in other ways.. sometimes, i feel that day-tracking borders obsession.. psycho even.. from this, you'all can conclude that i'm not exactly that romantic a person, but i take pride in not being hopeless.. but i still surprise ppl, ask shazleen ask shazleen.. haha.. whatever.. imagine someone saying, "we finally broke up after 678 days.." one word; obsession.

talking bout shit like this, i'm rather passionate, ah??? none of my bloody beeswax, i still am willing to sit on my computer chair, not bathed, in my towel, eyes red.. sometimes irfan thinks too much.. haha..

i'm better off this way

2007-02-19T23:41:00.000+08:00

why do your eyes hurt when the computer is on in a dark room??? heh..

bought 18 visions old album, obsession, today.. at borders.. at hmv its 33 bucks.. haha.. i win by 13 bucks.. yeah, its alot cheaper than hmv, only that you'd have to search like a long time before you actually find what you want.. but its worth the 13 dollar search.. haha..

hmmm... last week i won runner'sup at the street soccer competition for PTD.. won this 15 dollar gift voucher.. bought this nike slippers.. was thinking, i don't need shin guards, socks, so i bought the slippers.. heh.. oh, and i played for the PTD soccer team for the match at Old PA, and we won SecCom 1-0.. woo hoo!!

my NS somehow seems alot more fun than other people's ones.. yes shaz, you were right.. heh..

i like Zara designs

Messenger Bag...

2007-02-11T14:03:00.000+08:00

i finally got that mesenger bag i wanted from Manhattan Portage.. thanks to Shazleen... :) its in brown, so, sorry azhar.. haha.. i like the shit color of my bag.. and its really amazing how i can fit so much stuff into it without it looking that big, and without it feeling that heavy.. i actually don't need to carry an extra shoebag to carry my shoes no more, so imagine how big it is.......

watched the report about the China team brawling with the QPR players.. fucking disgrace.. the stupid Chinamen know that English soccer is rough and they fight back.. not looking at his size, this dumbass idiot clung onto an English player and started whacking him, and all this being on top of the big ass bugger, whilst he was standing.. dumbass Chinese player.. moral of the story, soccer is not for pussies.. if you can't challenge the player pound-for-pound, just stage a walk-out, like Thailand.. at least you don't get your jaw broken at three places.. you just lose the ASEAN Cup.. haha..

i join the Police Technology Dept. street soccer team for some competition.. playing at JOM on Thursday.. yeah!! half-day.. haha.. of and by the way, our team is called Fox River Five.. haha.. oh, and i heard something new.. Wentworth Miller is gay.. i was like, omg.. still like wtf.. haha..

this week was fine.. hopefully, next week wouldn't be so busy...

Macs vs KFC

2007-02-03T01:32:00.000+08:00

Macs fries win KFC hands-down.. when you get home and see Macs fries on the table, you smile.. when you see KFC's, you munch into soggy fries, which tastes as if they forgot to jump into salt.. but i guess, some people still prefer KFC's.. don't know why i'm blabbering bout this anyways...

played soccer with the dudes from PTD after work.. fun fun funny.. i swear the air at the street soccer court is much thinner cause of the ventilator.. its like i've gotta take many more breaths as compared to normal..

went to fetch shaz after that.. saw the stuff at River Island.. the tees are not that great but costs like 40.. not that worth it.. but the jeans there look great, and the shoes, phoo-yoo!! lawa sak!! can't find the pics, by they really look good..

browsed thru the pics in My Pictures and came acroos this pic of the watch/group of Washington during Ubin OBS..

working clothes, working boy..

2007-02-01T21:57:00.001+08:00

i've started work at me new posting!! Assistant Manpower Officer at Police Tech. Dept. i like my collegues.. very caring and very fun people.. i'm still an understudy, but i'm slowly building, or more like piling up my "to-do" work file.. haha.. i hope i won't be bogged down with work anytime soon..

haven't blogged alot recently.. ironed my clothes every night, which took bloody long, i also don't lnow why.. i guess i'm not good at ironing longs.. heh.. i hate ironing log sleeved shirts!!! another one later.. fuck..

can't wait to see my bank acc next month.. and getting that manhattan portage bag!!!!! yeah!! haha.. no more ah pek bagpacks for work.. photos attached..

maybe this...

or this one...

heh.. must make namecard man.. heh.. yup, i'll be a little cooler.. haha..

alam shah scores at shah alam

2007-01-25T02:51:00.000+08:00

watched soccer at simpang with the dudes a day ago.. saw some familiar faces.. did the dumbass, "clenched-fists-by-the-side-of-my-head shake-shake" thing once the ball reaches indra's or amri's feet, only to see the fuckers miss.. like Ej said, "fan would've scored that.." like real.. haha..

i like suppers at bedok.. esp to watch soccer!! hah..

out of point, but i'm remembering what someone said.. "why settle for silver when you've already got gold??"

sometimes i feel like my mind just shoots off from one place to another, thinking of random stuff.. crazy.. intense, passionate and revengful, someone once told me..

i still wanna play soccer, though my shoulders are already sunburnt, and when shaz takes photos with her cam, i seem to dissappear when there's no flash..

haha, random, but i remember something funny in KL.. Jon Lai was talking to the other bunch of guys, about how when there's no flash he dissappears and when there's flash, he looks too bright or something, totally not talking directly at me.. somehow, my ears just picked it up, and i said, out of no where, "might as well die!!".. haha.. random me.. you see, Jon Lai is this tanned and dark chinese dude who we call Chigga, or Chinggro.. haha.. sorry Jon.. serve your last year of NS and go back Aussie.. i'll think of your mom's job offer.. heh..

If You Could Wish For One Superpower, What Would You Want??

I would definitely choose teleportation.. Then i wouldn't have to pay bloody 2.50 to reach Vivocity to pick up shaz!! haha.. it would be cool.. i wouldn't be late anymore.. janji melayu would be no more.. haha..

Jaguar Paw..

2007-01-23T01:57:00.000+08:00

two days since i'm back.. woke up to calls on my bloody hp both days.. supposed to meet the people who called at the time they ringed.. simply, i was bloody late both days.. haha..

how was KL?? fun.. Sunway and the apartment was great.. bought a few tops and stuff.. haha.. i think i spent more on food there man.. since fucking Tony Roma's here not halal, went there, and had a RM71 meal!! fucking ribs and steak, i felt like a lion.. haha..

our apartment was like smack in between 3 beach bars, the Aloha and Rum Jungle to the north, the Thai bars at the east and some ang moh beach bar down the road.. can hear the fuckin', "ump-cha-ump-cha" beat of techno music all night.. how contradictary, techno music in a beach bar.. fuckin' bapoks surrounding the streets at night.. but must say, standard better than Changi.. haha..

i swear i'll elimate, decapitate and mutilate all taxi drivers in Malaysia.. i'm sick of opening the car door and telling the motherfuckin' cabbie where i'm going first, and then asking him if he uses the meter, and if he doesn't, haggle with the bloody fatherfucker, in a place which i don't have a bloody idea where i am myself.. i swear if i have a pair of Ballers, i'd hide it under my cardigan, and shoot the cabbie once he says his not using the meter.. i hate KL cabbies..

here's some pics..

lift that keep my ears popping..

A&W, extinct in S'pore..

the building that takes the light of the others around it at night..

the Mafia.. room that we slept in, all four on the bed.. haha..

going budget at KFC..

escalator in Sunway.. Ben's behind..

angst aside, Shaz and i went to watch Apocalypto today.. brutal, but not the most brutal.. nice movie.. Turtles Run is the name of the main character's child in the show, and the boy is so cute.. they look Malay.. haha.. went to Saprino's Pizza to eat like dinner.. nice pepperoni.. i wanna go again.. haha..

i think of funny stuff sometimes and laugh with myself.. do you?? haha..

watched this 18 Visions video just now.. i know Shaz doesn't like them, but i don't care.. haha..
Eighteen Visions - I Let Go

why can't our scene be like that.. people here have a mentality that clubbing and dancing is for like RnB and hip-hop stuff.. the gigs would be more like a see-see kinda thing, more appreciating than enjoying the thing itself.. its like why can't the hot girls dance to rock songs too, played live.. so sad.. wish we had a more happening scene.. then i'd have more drive for my band.. haha..

KL menjerit..

2007-01-16T23:55:00.000+08:00

going to KL tmr.. hoping no floods will block our way... or not i'm forced to pull out my float for Sunway out... hahahaha... i was imagining that the coach would turn in some amphibious vehicle or something and float past the floods.. haha..

i'll miss Shaz.... haha.. and i do blog about you.. haha.. and of course everyone else.. 4 days only, and it looks like i'm starting a requiem... haha..

enjoy singapore suckers!!

freaky yesterday...

2007-01-15T22:24:00.000+08:00

alternate reality vs. manifestation of daily thoughts.. coincidence vs. magic.. somethings are so hard to explain.. so hard, that probably, if that thing is amazing, you, or i, would rather sit back and just appreciate it from my new IKEA computer seat.. heh...

soccer was fun.. telling myself what to do and what moves to pull really worked.. haha.. malville park has a lot of expat Indians.. we somersaulted into the pool, like little kids, except that we're already 20 this year!!!! haha.. childish fucks.. well, boys will be boys, men will be men..
heh..

never imagined that i'd spend so long at Eastpoint, after soccer.. ate, played pool, stupid drum machine game, lepak.. Green tea frap is always so refreshing.. wanted to watch the 11-0 killing of Laos at the National Stadium, but couldn't get our lazy butts there.. too tired.. maybe when they play Indonesia.. heh.. maybe..

so tell me i am not alone..

2007-01-13T16:10:00.000+08:00

i just go the 2006 Bleeding Through album from HMV, like at 28.. i doubt i can find it anywhere else at 28 bucks.. fucking happy.. now, i have something else to listen to on the journey up to KL.. oh yes, i'm going KL, so anything, anyone wants to kirim, ask me to buy anything, better tell me now, or forever hold your peace.. heh..

i POP-ed last week.. finally out of the academy.. finally no more Number Ones and Mess Suits to worry about.. it didn't feel like i passed out from the academy though.. well, maybe till i get my four figure NS allowance next month then i'll feel it.. haha.. LOL..

from Bleeding Through's album i espcially like this song called, Love In Slow Motion, espcially the bridge of the song and the chorus...
_____________________
She moves in slow motion.
Sonically as the rain.
As the rain falls down.
Everything is still as she moves to me.
Stands still.

Maybe I'll do better on my own.
Why does everything disappear?
When all I see is you alone...
And her love moves slowly.

This time now I'm dying for you to call my name
I'm waiting.
Still Fading,
So tell me I'm not alone.
_____________________

my primary one cousin is so cute.. haha..

reaching a void..

2007-01-06T01:09:00.000+08:00

lots of questions popped in my mind this week.. i hate questions.. questions that make you think, and that drives you to a point of insanity which leads you to question yourself, past decisions, present choices and future expectations..

from next week, i won't be blogging only on weekends.. i'm POP-ing.. 11th january.. life will be better and more fucked up at the same time.. the inverse relationship between social time and the size of my bank account.. the direct relationship between more phone time to the size of my phone bill.. so many questions..

perplexed.. somehow..

a week of many "long-lost" words.. famished.perturbed. when was the last time i heard perturbed being used?? never.. and this week, we were scolded and it was used.. perturbed indeed..

somehow, the Architect from the Matrix made it into my thoughts alot this week, particularly this line... "Hope, it is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness."

delusional human being.. weak, hopeful and weakened..

cold cold me.

2007-01-02T08:41:00.000+08:00

is it me or has it been rather cold these few weeks??

oh, and i found something that would make it to my "most-hated" list.. you know, when you wrap yourself all ready to sleep.. then suddenly, you feel that tiny hole at the end of your cover that lets in the cold air blowing from the fan.. i hate cold air blowing on already cold feet..

developed an immense liking for Bleeding Through.. the music and the videos.. music is hard, but has direction and sense of where its all going.. videos is just Texas Chainsaw stlye.. raw, and not so much that gory, but leaves you to do the thinking.. and its like a mini-series watching their vids.. check out Kill To Believe and Love In Slow Motion..

i'm still famished!! heh..

killing spree..

2006-12-17T02:33:00.000+08:00

my nose is seriously blocked, and i have a game tomorrow.. shit..

went out with asyraf today.. my friends since nursery.. many, many memories, remembered and revisited.. we can talk about everything under the sun, even at night.. haha.. i'm lame.. anyways, i remembered this conversation we had in primary 1..

asyraf: fan, i think until i die, i'd be friends with you...
irfan: i don't want to die with you..

i think what shaz said, and has been saying is right.. i may be a little too pragmatic after all.. maybe too pragmatic for my own good.. i can't halp it.. i think alot.. especially about stuff like, making sure i don't say the wrong words just so that i don't have to "take my words back", not making myself "lose face" if i said i would do something but end up procrastinating and not doing it.. shit like that.. but that's the way i was raised.. thought to, be careful, always have your guard up, its a dog-eat-dog world, your experiences and achievements speak for themself, plan properly.. no one can change me but myself.. maybe i should loosed up a little..

and we watched FLYBOYS today.. nice show.. had one of my favourite actors, James Franco.. oh, and his love interest is beautiful.. heh.. dont't know the acteress' name.. the scenes where the old WWI fighter planes battling each other in mid-air was simply fabulous!! amazing.. but somehow, i thought, it was rather fake.. CGI these days, anything can be fantastic..

lepak-ed at some cafe, near my old place.. somehow the topic changed to favourite movies.. somehow, Edward Norton came up, American History X, Fight Club, in that order.. and it made me want to put up the rules of Fight Club, one of my favourite movies..

The Rules of Fight Club
1st RULE: You do not talk about FIGHT CLUB.
2nd RULE: You DO NOT talk about FIGHT CLUB.
3rd RULE: If someone says "stop" or goes limp, taps out the fight is over.
4th RULE: Only two guys to a fight.
5th RULE: One fight at a time.
6th RULE: No shirts, no shoes.
7th RULE: Fights will go on as long as they have to.
8th RULE: If this is your first night at FIGHT CLUB, you HAVE to fight.

somehow, Jarhead came up, Jake Gyllenhal, Heath Ledger, then Brokeback Mountain, in that order.. then i read this question somewhere.. "What do you think of gay marriages?"

my answer:
i don't know what to think anymore.. if you posed me this question a year or half a year ago, i would say that i detest even the idea of gay couples.. according to the traditional and orthodox view, this is simply against nature, against the whole notion of Adam and Eve, against the fact that there is a law of nature, even in animals where mating is necessary to procreate.. gay marriages is a mockery of all things natural and from the orthodox standpoint, they are definitely against it.. but am i?? i still don't know.. if the question was, "do you have a problem watching a man and another man make out?", that i would answer yes.. phew.. that was easier.. but gay liberation groups have argued that the main religions have prohibited gay lust expressively, but not gay love.. you can't deny that.. ok, fan, cut all the bullcrap and get to your standpoint.. taking a religious view, i do not condone gay marriages.. i'm a firm believer of when there's love, there comes lust.. so, since gay lust is a no-no, so is gay love.. taking my own couldn't care less view.. so long as you don't disturb me, i don't care.. haha.

12 days

2006-12-02T08:41:00.000+08:00

min has screamed at me all the way for urbana-chamPAGNE to update, and i will not let her screams go to waste..

i went thru OBS at ubin for twelve days, so i went "missing" from the mainland. the most important thing i learnt from OBS; the limits of the human body are actually, but contradictarily(tell me if there's such a word), limitless.. i'll explain.. we ran 2.4km every morning at 5.55am, on almost all the mornings of the course. more or less, 6 out of the 12 days.. we had an kayaking expedition within the OBS course, kayaking to Pulau Hantu and back to Ubin.. for the sake of the people who don't know, P.Hantu is just beyond Sentosa, beyond Sister's Island, and contrary to its name, P.Hantu is less haunted then Sister's Island.. haha.. all in all, here's the distance we clocked:
- 24.4km running in 6 days, including a 10km on the last day..(ok, i know some people running marathons would say its nothing, but serious, it WAS tiring)
- 120km, on kayak in the Singapore seas, including with and against the tides
- endless kilometres hiking on foot
- 200% heart

Limitless. All i can say. Truly, the impossible is nothing.. no, actually, the impossible, is only what you call it.

So, after OBS, back to studies.. my CriminalInvestigations test is on monday, and i know shit, or no shit.. watever.. haha..i guess i'll study tomorrow..

I can't wait!!! POP-ing from Home Team Academy on 11th January. getting my inspector rank, or otherwise called by me, bling bling.. haha. and i really hope, life would be better after that.. going home everyday.. the travelling might kill me, but i'm already dead from being a trainee for 1 BLOODY YEAR..

Oh God, i'm almost completing my first year of NS.. i feel ORD-ing before your 20th b'day is really, really cool..

i guess i'm the only one with a free mind..

2006-11-11T00:42:00.000+08:00

didn't want people to hear aussie talk whilst reading, so i linked the video..

amazing how people can seem so happy, but in reality, be so sad at the same time.. wasn't that long ago i last saw you smile.. 5 or 6 months may seem long, but it felt like yesterday.. maybe cause you're memorable.. i'm sighing now..

also amazing is how moods can swing so damned fast.. we're behind you zul, but we don't know what to do.. okay, not don't know, but we don't know if you want us to do what we feel like doing.. sighing again..

i have no problems.. but somehow, i tend to think of, and can't help but getting involved in, the problems of others.. trying not to get involved in yours.. i'd play pretend.. i don't know.. hope i don't turn into another scowfield..

and i don't wanna expect too.. i hate expecting.. if replies are nothing but one-liners, so be it.. a few words are better than nothing at all..

sometimes, i feel bad being happy and un-stressed, when people are having problems.. when i care, and want to help, i don't know how.. perhaps that's my problem.. i don't know..

right now, i don't know why, but i feel like i'm under a shade of melancholy.. its not effecting me directly, but its just rubbing off.. maybe its the pay-delay.. haha.. that was a smal kick.. heh..

honestly, i prefer being angry than feeling melancholy.. anger gives you a drive, a need to prove wrong, a want to do something..sadness just tires you to sleep.. or doing stupid stuff.. whatever.. i'll pretend..

i love anger.. i hate pain.. but i love inflicting it..

grouper..

2006-11-07T10:52:00.000+08:00

i found this site called grouper.com.. they have a cool main page where you choose your vids like at a buffet.. Youtube bombards you with videos, but grouper is more category-specific.. Its like you click a category and the most frequent appears at a very user-friendly glance..(not saying that Youtube doesn't have this feature..)

so there i went, checking the site out.. i can so imagine myself, if you can call the internet an actual place, window shopping at this free shop called Grouper, looking around for videos, when suddenly this shelf(which is a sub-category in actual website terms), at the shop, called Aussie slang, caught my eye.. i wouldn't give two hoots bout Aussie slang to be honest, but something really caught my eye.. Why don't you guys check it out for yourselves, ya?? Here's the video..

Aussie Slang Girl

i was like whoa!! and i thought jessica alba was hot.. haha.. well, that was your intro to grouper.. i somehow always think about perpectives, how there are two sides to the coin.. okay, mayb that not your intro, cause you'd probably already knew of the existence of the website, and you don't need this dumbass here to "intro" you to any shit, cause you're probably more "web-savvy"then i am... I'm getting pissed for no reason.. spot-on shaz.. haha.. i get it.. haha..

well, today's the last day as a free man before i return to ns camplife.. then its just two more months to P.O.P.! yeah, can't wait for more free time and a more meaningful, but tiring existence.. so enjoy grouper.com and enjoy life.. peace out!!

You-tube, Me-tube.

2006-11-05T21:43:00.000+08:00

dudes and dudettes, letme introduce you to this insane and awesome drummer..
The Faceless, drummer, Nick Pierce-

Well, my attachment is over and I'm watching soccer and You-tube.. Don't shut it down!!