Can't Help But To Judge..

its so cliche when someone puts up a picture of something rather controversial, and they also tell people to "not judge them." i mean, think of it first lah, then put the picture up, if you don't want people to judge you.

either, not put the picture up, or don't tell people to not judge you. face people's judgments head-on, if you got the balls to, but then again, not everyone has balls. haha.

oh, and some people should just get over relationships which ended 1 year ago and get on with life. and other people's relationships, are other people's own business.

only God can judge me..

"What if"'s only make you question the space-time continuum.

i hate it when i ask myself what if this happens, and what if that happened. i mean, i'm fairly happy with my life, as of now. nothing complicated about it at all. i'm able to enjoy and go out, and stuff.

but sometimes, you get pissed at yourself for thinking that sometimes, or some time in the past, you didn't actually, go (or went for) what you actually wanted. instead, you sat back, and, that thing, that person, that opportunity, passed you by. damn. i hate questioning decisions.

does your make-up melt when you club?? haha..

• About Me:
  

  I have been hovering mentally, as of late. Finding myself.
  
  I love, that moment in time, where you collide into an imaginary wall of imagery, your mind creates from pondering, almost aimlessly, about life in general, or about specific aspects of life which you wish you could have changed, without affecting the space-time continuum.
  
  Say, I'm a mental retard, say i think too much, say what you want, say what you will, in the words of a great Incubus song, "You could never offend, cause your dirty words come out, clean..."
  
  I'm not as complexed as i think. Haha.

esitiroirp nafri

past few days been so fucked up. hate waking up not knowing what to do. people fuck up plans or plans fuck up people? i think plans fuck up people. actually i don't really know.

i need a solid plan. when we were in school, we so wanted out. now that i'm out, i feel like i need direction. it starts today.

help! the world is shrinking..

i find it (not very weird, but) weird (enough) when someone whom you used to have a thing for, now has the hots for someone else, who was friends with a close friend of yours now. its like everyone knows each other, somehow. i guess i can finally swallow the fact that someone 3000kilometres away, can actually be separated by just 3 degrees of friends.

i don't know if its necessarily good or bad, if i like it or not, but i missed the days when the only friends that mattered was that one degree of people around you. life seemed simpler, less complicated, less heartache, but, then again, why should i care for anyone else in the first place.

i need spell-check to amend how i spell separated. not "seperated" IRFAN...

teh petery grlis wlil sictk tgoeehr..

some days i love staying at home, some days i totally hate staying at home. luckily today is one of the former.

if you're 555, then i'm 666

6 days. 6 days of popping pills at 2 or sometimes 4am in the morning. 6 days of not shaving, in fear of scarring myself. 6 days of slacking at home; Ultimate Fighter at 11am, Room 401 at don't know what fucking time in the afternoon watching the same episode everyday, countless (same) episodes of Yo Momma and My Fat Fabulous Wedding. mtv never felt so boring, till you get chicken pox. 6 days.

i wanna buy a book.

OMFG.. its been awhile..

haven't blogged for like forever.. don't think anyone would read this..

was cleaning up my room and found something very interesting.. a list of wants and needs i created sometime in 2007, tho 2008 is only like 10 days old..

Wants
blackburn away jersey, onitsuka tigers, matt top guitar like jack johnson's, nice shades, new ipod, nice sweater.

Needs
set of running shoes, pair of soccer boots, a job, an organized pencil case.

a decent of wants and needs.. relatively straight forward.. in 2007, i thought i'd get it in a month's time to celebrate 08'.. or that what i told myself.. let's see what i have now, seperated into wants and needs..

Wants
blackburn away jersey CHECK - thanks guys and girls for the gift
onitsuka tigers SEMI-CHECK - got a pairs of nice Macbeths instead
guitar SEMI-CHECK - my bro got this acoustic guitar
nice shades UNCHECK
new ipod SEMI-CHECK - coming very soon
nice sweater CHECK

Needs
running shoes UNCHECK
soccer boots UNCHECK
job CHECK
pencil case UNCHECK

so unbalanced.. maybe i should move more of my needs to wants.. haha..

"The former, sir." I said to myself.

i came up with something interesting at course today.. fyi, i went for the first half of a two day course at the ST Building, in the Tanjong Pagar area.. has got to do with Communication and Relationship Management..

so, back to the story.. i came up with an answer that i couldn't imagine me coming up with.. haha.. i felt like Edward Norton in American History X, only for the exception of his skinhead/neo-Nazi/white supremest sentiments..
the question was like, given the following terms, which would you rate, from first to last, in order of importance to yourself.. the terms: Nationality, Race, Religion, Age Group & Gender.

so my answer was (in order of importance to myself) : Religion, Race, Nationality, Gender & Age Group. and i thought that was the end of things, but AK (the instructor) told us to explain why it was ranked that way.. Derek Vinyard (Norton's on-screen character) took over me at this point..

Religion : Religion keeps someone's feet planted firmly to the ground. It provides a sort of guidance for that individual. I know that its a fallacy for me to say that a person without religion is misguided, but in my opinion, religion sets a number of guidelines, a sort of vision and mission for an individual to follow, and not deviate from.

Race : Race is very much related to religion, in my opinion, and from the example of myself being a Malay/Muslim. It is also important for an individual to recognize his race as a ton of history is behind "race". The history of your parents, of your grandparents, it is all behind race. Singapore adopted and became a multicultural country because of migrants, and they carry a wealth of knowledge, culture, etc. that would encompass race. That's the reason I rank race second.

Nationality : I think Singapore has done a great job, with regards to assimilation (in the initial stages) and I recognize that such ideas like NS and stuff, managed to gel people of different races together. If I was not given Religion and Race as two other choices, Nationality would definitely be first, no doubt. Some of my closest friends are not Malays, and some of my enemies are Malay.

Gender : In my opinion, I place Gender fourth as it is very much underrated. I mean we all recognize women nowadays are much more successful as compared to before, but in my honest opinion (without it being debated in parliament), I do not think that Gender Equality is very much recognized. I mean, we do not have to go too far to see examples. Take the pledge: "regardless of race, language and religion." And where's Gender Equality. That is why, in my honest opinion it would be ranked fourth.

Age Group : Age group is last as, even if someone younger than me is better than me, I would give the person due respect deserved. Not insulting or putting down experience, I respect experience, but the main crux of the matter here is Age Group. That is why I put it last.

these words like spewed from my mouth, and I was glad i let it go..

and to think that AK said, just prior to this;
"When Mr Irfan rests his head on his hands, I don't know if he is organizing his thoughts to answer my next question, or if he is just day-dreaming."
--> look at my title.. =)

the sun sets on this mini chapter in my life..

just realised.. i'm gonna miss so much stuff after my last day.. mostly spending lepak time with the guys at work, playing ping-pong (YES!! PING PONG!!), visiting the yellow box, friday afternoon soccer sessions.. ya.. these are like the main stuff I will miss.. haha.. after not winning any trophies or anything throughout NS (still sore about not getting Best Shot during BMT.. )-= , i won 3 trophies during my short stay in PTD.. power lah! haha..

You think you know?? You have no idea.....

I decided to do some fun blogging today.. i'm gonna share some things that people (or rather, not many people) know about me.. =)

1. I talk and move about (not sleepwalking) in my sleep (sometimes, but apparently quite alot)

And by move about, I don't exactly mean walk but some stuff which i don't exactly know.. I remembered one occasion whereby my brother told me that i was swinging my bolster pretending to be playing baseball.. haha.. can just imagine how that looks like.. and apparently i told him that i wanna beat up someone, and i threw some punches into thin air.. haha.. and just a fortnight ago, Shaz called me in the middle of the night and asked me where i was.. i was sleeping at home, and apparently i told her that i in the driving circuit, going thru a lesson.. she apparently asked, "At one o'clock in the morning?!" and i replied, "Ya! I'm driving. Don't call me." haha.. that's me..

2. I apparently have a weird sense of taste, esp when it comes to drinks

Let me name a few drinks i like to order at coffee joints and bubble tea shops, and you decide for yourself..

Green Tea Frap,
Cinnamon Ice Blended (with more cinnamon sprinkled on top),
Ice Blended Yam Oreo with/without pearls,
Mixture of Chin-chau and Soya Bean (cold)

I can't go on naming anymore at this moment, but ya, apparently, these drinks are "weird".. I don't know i like them alot.. In the end, my friends and I, decided that my "weird" taste represents me.. I don't think its weird, but I don't know many people who like them either..

the first taste of Irfan you get is different and lights up your senses,
but it leaves such an irritating aftertaste.. HAHA.. I don't find these drinks weird..

3. I'm not playing in any band, as of now

Don't talk about playing in band, I haven't played the guitar in a long long time.. though i'm thinking of making the transition to bass guitar and really get down learning the different techniques of playing the bass..

I miss the sounds of guitars and bass in an-already-claustrophobic-room, with the ear-drum-shattering sounds of the snare and crash of the drums, accompanied, most of the time, by a singer who's out of tune.. haha.. i miss those days..

Hope to start on the bass soon and hopefully discover a whole new sound.. to be honest with you, most of the bass players i knew were not so good at guitars and had to settle with the bass.. i wanna be good at playing bass.. to think of it, the bass has always had an appeal with me.. from Matt Freeman (Rancid) and Mike Dirnt (Greenday) early on, to Flea (RHCP) and Alex Katunich (Dirk Lance - Incubus) during the funk and modern rock switch, to Shavo (SOAD) during my System of A Down stages, and to metal basslines, it has always appealed to me.. i like how a song doesn't sound "full" without the bass.. haha..

4. Most of the time, I have 2 voices in my head

People may call it schizo or something, but seriously, i think it keeps me in check.. one is good irfan, and another is bad irfan.. haha..

5. My "taste" in the opposite sex is quite specific

Let me put it straight on the table.. after much questioning, with my inner-self, i conclude that i have something for fair malay girls.. not exactly chinese looking, but fair..

i think its quite unfair that i eliminate a lot of beautiful darker/tanner skinned malay girls, but ya.. that's my taste..

that's why i got Shazleen.. (;

haha..

the most shocking thing about me

i love metal and hardcore music, but two of my most favourite songs are.......................

We Belong Together - Mariah Carey &

Cool - Gwen Stefani

HAHAHAHA..

No more STOOPID officework........

life is so great when your boss goes for a dental appointment in the morning.. feel so bloody good that she ain't here to disturb me..

so i've not been blogging for some time now, and sharing stuff with people.. well, i've not exactly been super busy, but not un-busy also.. just plain lazy to log in and type..

well, the fasting month's been good, and just as I said that, someone must make some coffee and tempt me with the smell.. went out with suf and the guys the other day and had a hell of a time.. haha.. first in deciding where to go (all NSPIs, are not good in making decisions), then in chilling and buying goods, then food at arab street, then slacking on carpets and falling asleep whilst slacking with your friends, then driving to Jurong thru NUS in THE WRONG DIRECTION, then getting lost on the way back from Jurong, then puking on my staircase.. summarised the whole day... haha... what a day...

i'm beginning to blog shittly.. nothing to write, don't narrate.. haha..

Cry, 'Havoc!' and let slip the dogs of war. (3.1.268) - Julius Caesar

I'm going crazy thinking of ORD, so I came up with a wishlist... Haha, yup another visual wishlist...

first off, this guitar used by Matt Skiba (Alkaline Trio).. Whoa!!!!! --> http://www.washburn.com/skiba/

Second, this keychain from Pride FC.. if anyone is going Japan, pls tell me.. I WANT this.. big fan of Pride FC.. http://www.pridefc.com/

third.. this Lamb of God CD.. comes with a DVD and is on sale at HMV... *hint hint

and I need a pair of jeans.. black, not corduroy, or mayb blue, faded.... haha...

They say, "Metal is the music of the Devil." But what I say is rap & pop is the real Devil's music, with its lifestyle, glamourising sex, money, etc..

My girlfriend is moving into hostel soon.. Haha.. And I feel like going over to take a peepe at how hostel rooms are and how's life there like.. Sounds fun.. But I know alot of people who choose to stay at home after a year or a sem at hostel.. Haha.. See how it goes, I guess.. Make it as fun, while it lasts.. Haha.. Smoking pot apparently makes you go schozio-.. Haha, RANDOM..

I'm looking for some countdown timer to countdown the seconds to my ORD.. November 4th!! Which is a sunday, so I'll be collecting my NRIC on the 2nd!! Hell yeah... Hopefully Rickson got me that buffer job while I'm unemployed..

I hate days when you feel so lazy to do any work.. Facing one now.. I think I'll call it the "Worker's Block" Haha..

i love you Shazleen...

love you baby..

Havne't did this in a long time, but I'm posting song lyrics. So much for growing out of metal/core. For that short period that i didn't listen to it, and went over to the softer side, my ears "itched". Haha. Actually, songs I listen to are relevant in mirroring the modern angst, anguish and despair, experienced by middle-class people.

----------------------------------------
Walk With Me In Hell

Pray for blood,
Pray for the cleansing,
Pray for the flood,
Pray for the end of this nightmare.
This lie of a life can as quickly as it can dissolve.
We seek only reprieve and welcome the darkness.
The myth of a meaning so lost and forgotten (forgotten).

Take hold of my hand,
For you are no longer alone.
Walk with me in hell.

Pray for solace,
Pray for resolve,
Pray for a savior,
Pray for deliverance, some kind of purpose.
A glimpse of a light in this void of existence.

Now witness the end of an age.
Hope dies in hands of believers.
Who seek the truth in the liar's eye.

Take hold of my hand,
For you are no longer alone.
Walk with me in hell.
-----------------------------------

Causal Effect, and I think Jennier Hewitt has huge boobs, as I'm watchin Ghost Whisperer.

First things first. Here's how wearing green over the weekends helps to Save Gaia.

If both you and me, assuming we both are strangers, are wearing green --> We'll feel that people are supporting this Go Green concept thing --> When we shop for something small, we'll turn down the offer of the salesperson when he says, "Do you want a carrier for that?" --> When we buy something bigger, and if the carrier is plastic, we'd think of how we can use it again so that we don't throw it away after one use

Two less plastic bags would be given out, more if more people turn them down. The next order of plastic bags the store makes would either be less in quantity or the order would be stretched for a longer period before it is made. However, due to the contracts signed by the store and the plastic bag manufacturer, the two a/m may not happen. So what we need to do, or what we should do is to wear green for this weekend, not to only share our support, but also to have this mindset in ourselves. We have been infected by consumerism, the idea of "buy buy buy". I have been infected by this too. Slowly, with small stuff like these, hopefully, we'd be reminded of how much we took from the land that has already given us so much. Actually, its not something that we should do, its something we must do.

I am what I am. I don't have a quarter-life crisis. I'm a blank slate. Zero debts, zero liabilities. Low-valued assets, low liquidity. I start here.

SUPEREGO - keeps people in check and IT - the person's intrinsic sense of right and wrong shaped by society and him/herself, acts as a guidance to follow a certain path in life, choosen and specified by him/herself.. someone pls vet this for me... can we rely on this to keep the world in check??

i don't think so.. i get pissed when i read the paper.. the one today about this guy who whacked another with a baseball bat near Zouk.. the whole starting part of the article, i didn't get pissed, only till the end.. apparently, they got the lawyers to try to reduce the sentence, with arguments like the parents standing in society ie. i forgot the dad's job, but they added that the mom was a principal, and arguments like how he comes from a family with a proper upbringing, and stuff.. puuh-leeeze...

if your mom is a principal, and you did something like this, perhaps she should serve time with you, cause she did not spend enough time with the child, to inculcate proper values.. cuff the whole family!!! perhaps she outsourced the work to the maid, her mom (his grandma) and teaching time, outsourced to the tutor.. f-off.. i hate people like this.. gone where the days where parents accepted their children's wrong-doing, and would only pay to make sure their children gets off the hook with the least amount of sentencing as possible.. so much for learning from mistakes..

The overdosed drug addict kills himself, whilst drunken alcoholic kills others in a drink driving accident..

this is the second time that i've had problems with my bloody tagboard, so from now on, if your fingers feel itchy and wanna comment, pls just click on the 0 other thoughts at the bottom of each post. i hate having trouble with the freaking board and making a new one.

sure you heard of my ramblings of leeds. well, i bought blackburn's jersey! Half price. currently the best thing i bought at the great singapore sale. what have i bought so far?? i don't think i've bought anything else. not shopping, and at the same time knowing that GST's gonna be 7% on 1st July, and i'm only getting $100 extra, which will probably go back into my savings. oh ya, i bought this other dkny shirt for $40. ok lah. two things.

actually tyoed some stuff about my title, but i got a little close too heart and was bordering being "politically incorrect", if i believe there's such a thing.

CHANGE: Do places change people, or do people change people?

Was browsing through friendster most of the day, at work and now at home.. there, i looked for long lost friends, new acquaintances through other friends, or just browse through ones who are not even related to me.. just feeding this intrinsic, sometimes voyeuristic, curiosity of mine.. i don't know if its the same for others, but i think I'm on the right "generalization" here.. at home, i just go through people who viewed me, friends who updated their pictures or profiles, and the usual maintenance stuff.. and this sometimes feels like revenge.. view me, and I'll view you back, just to make sure that not remaining anonymous has its perks maintained.. haha.. I'm crazy sometimes..

But what, I wouldn't say irked me, affected me more was that how friends can change within a single year through university, National Service or other pursuits of life.. I'll split them up and we'll answer the question; 'Do places change people, or do people change people?", a little later on..

1. University

People seem more mature. Partners change, surroundings change, and people seem to pursuing what they want more. Correct me wherever I'm wrong. I think people actually see other people and actually question, "What if I'm with that someone-else?" Dangerous, but true i think. Sad, but true too. Yes, of course, some partners stay true, but I've seen too many who haven't. I guess JCs and Polys are lakes, but University would be the ocean. A fisherman would catch more fish in a bigger water body, ceteris paribus. People also seem to be going to do what they've always wanted more, I think. More people, bigger place. Okay, so first round, place VS people, its draw on the scorecards.

2. NS

People get fitter. Some shrink. Green, blue and..... Blue. Couldn't find a better color to describe CD, sorry. Buffer bodies, toned arms and comments by long lost friends on oh "how charming you have become." Doesn't that mean that the guy was ugly before?? Think about it. Girls especially. Friends change. For better or for worse, till death do us part. Literally. Be it dunking of heads during training, or death by airplane crash, literally. More people, not necessarily bigger place. People win, hands down.

3. Other Pursuits

My impression of other pursuits is like overseas studying or private education. Overseas, people grow bigger, not necessarily fatter, but bigger. Super-sized food has its effects. And i guess having less friends who know you prior to that overseas stint, means less people telling you, directly or indirectly, how proportionately or disproportionately, become. And family too. I think only family can getaway with comments like "Maybe you should lose some weight?" or "Boy.. You're growing." Correct me if I'm wrong. People lesser, place, definitely a bigger influence. Place, hands down.

So on the scorecards, 2 points for people, 2 points for place. A draw. Thanks a lot for entertaining me. Have a nice day! :)