reversing into happiness..

it feels good when something makes you feel close to a person,
even though you're already feeling happy with that someone,
and this thing/event makes it happier..
things will work out.
i'm sorry,
maybe i shouldn't be forgiven,
cause i wouldn't know what i'd have done,
if you hadn't find out...
i'm glad you did,
cause it made me learn how to love (you) even more..
others maybe attractive,
distracting at times,
making my mind digress,
but i'd know where my heart is,
and it is,
as now,
unflinching..
i wish i could show it to you,
that my heart is unflinching,
cause that would be the best way to mend your aching heart,
but,
i can't..
and for that,
you might not be able to forgive..
but believe me,
though i'd understand that it'd be hard to trust my words,
that my heart is,
as now,
yours,
and,
as now,
my love only belongs to you..
a thousand apologies,
couldn't fill the hole i've dug,
and,
at times,
i wish i stepped into the whole,
to end this misery of hurting you,
cause,
hurting you, i found out, hurts me even more..
it pains me,
to see you second guess yourself,
asking yourself, if you're good enough,
when,
the sole reason i got you in the first place,
was that,
i believed you're more than good enough..

i hope pouring my heart out allows me to find myself.. cause i'm feeling lost..

i'm enjoying anonymity, i'm confused, n i couldn't ask for more.

ambiguity.

i already want to go for a holiday. 3 weeks into skool. haha. i want to feed this want in myself, to go a holiday on my own, all alone. or mayb with the soccer team. i don't think i can go with shaz, so that's that. i want something different.

not this, all over again..

one song summarises thoughts now..

----------
End of Nothing (Funeral For A Friend)

Well killing you
Might be the only chance I have
Of recovering
But I know it's so severe
'Cause you know it would be
The punishment it fits the crime

So let's take this knife (Take this knife)
And run it down your chest
Does this feel like love? (Feel like love)
Here we are waiting

So let's take this knife
And run it down your chest
Does this feel like love?
Here we are waiting

The light feels good against
The bruises on your cheek
Another battle that you'll have to wear this week
The light feels good against
The bruises on your cheek
Another battle that you'll have to wear this week

Well killing me
Might be the only chance you have
Of recovering
But I know it's so severe
'Cause you know it would be
The punishment it fits your crime

You will die
We'll die from tonight
You will die
We'll die from tonight
You will die
We'll die from tonight
You will die
We'll die alone
----------

These things aren't supposed to happen. Or maybe, my mind refuses to accept, cause I was brought up learning that violence is never the answer. Its an irony when I say this, cause, its not as if I've never resorted to violence, but as much as I've tried to explain why I did it, I understand that there is no justification for resorting to it. It was a spur of the moment kind of thing, where fists flew faster than the mind could think. I'm not gonna elaborate more on the giving party/receiving end of this, as elaboration would only mean "pointing fingers", and I'm never one who likes to do that. I thrive on the vagueness when I blog.

The only thing I'd like to add is that, I've had two real-life experience with this shit, and both parties in both experiences never worked out, and in one serious consequences occurred. Please do not be the third. Think it through.

The tag reads, "Made in Singpaore."

Lions Unlikely to Roar in Asia

basically its the bottom part of the article which is what I was surprised at to read. its kind of surprising reading what is mentioned, written by someone else whom I don't think is Singaporean, and yet is so true. what's funny is that I've never seem such opinions being published in papers here. majority of the editors and publishers are probably ethnic Chinese as well. haha. joke.

this brings me to another point. i detest people who possess this "mob mentality" and find that going to watch soccer as a group in the stadium, is an excuse to be rowdy and make fucked up comments about players. was at the Uzbek thrashing of S'pore some time back and i hated it when this "majority" (if you know what I'm talking about) criticized players and labeled them "useless" and "stupid". i mean, if you think you're so good play lah! that's why they had to bring in the imports what.. cause you never play. and then there was this guy who labeled Jiayi, "made in China" when he made a bad pass. that bugger became a citizen to play soccer here and you're criticizing him? at least he got of his China butt and contributed to S'pore soccer unlike you munching on your cheeseburger, sitting on the concrete steps of the "soon-to-be-torn-down" National Stadium. haha. hopefully i killed a few birds with that stone. haha.

"With two of palindromical names, the smaller one suits you better," I said.

so my fingers stretched, in a manner which they have not done so for a long time, tweaking with every depression of buttons on the keyboard. drawn back. fist clenched. knuckles cracked. inspiration has yet to land, this boring morning. at least this morning's not hot.

pal·in·drome [pal-in-drohm]
–noun

1.	a word, line, verse, number, sentence, etc., reading the same backward as forward, as Madam, I'm Adam or Poor Dan is in a droop.

The Late Bloomer.

was reading the papers and this article/picture caught my eye, about the British surveillance culture thing. was talking about being under CCTV surveillance 24/7 with my mom that day.

people in S'pore will not feel so paranoid, cause if you think of it, we do not have CCTVs on the corner of every street. we have STOMP.... :)

oh, and to some people, be a disgrace from all i care. i hope they pick you up and spit you out, just like what you deserve. your friends can stroke your probably "already-is" massive egos, but from this end of the spectrum, you people are not all that beautiful after all. many of you look like ladyboys. hatred for these kinda people runs deep, i'm sorry..

for many daylilies bloom, only after the sun sets, just as this one does..

initiation is one thing, reciprocation is a whole different ball game..

i hate de rossi. could have got my a-d cause of that idiot penalty miss.. its a sign (or so i think, as i always do...) make me happy vogel... :)

life's getting more and more.............. tiring. or is it that i'm sick. either one, not that much of a diff. my eyes are burning, my throat's sore, i shock people every time i sneeze. the only think i'm thankful for is that i do not have a fever and my body doesn't ache. i wanna rest. i'm fatigued.

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