reversing into happiness..

it feels good when something makes you feel close to a person,
even though you're already feeling happy with that someone,
and this thing/event makes it happier..
things will work out.
i'm sorry,
maybe i shouldn't be forgiven,
cause i wouldn't know what i'd have done,
if you hadn't find out...
i'm glad you did,
cause it made me learn how to love (you) even more..
others maybe attractive,
distracting at times,
making my mind digress,
but i'd know where my heart is,
and it is,
as now,
unflinching..
i wish i could show it to you,
that my heart is unflinching,
cause that would be the best way to mend your aching heart,
but,
i can't..
and for that,
you might not be able to forgive..
but believe me,
though i'd understand that it'd be hard to trust my words,
that my heart is,
as now,
yours,
and,
as now,
my love only belongs to you..
a thousand apologies,
couldn't fill the hole i've dug,
and,
at times,
i wish i stepped into the whole,
to end this misery of hurting you,
cause,
hurting you, i found out, hurts me even more..
it pains me,
to see you second guess yourself,
asking yourself, if you're good enough,
when,
the sole reason i got you in the first place,
was that,
i believed you're more than good enough..

i hope pouring my heart out allows me to find myself.. cause i'm feeling lost..

i'm enjoying anonymity, i'm confused, n i couldn't ask for more.

ambiguity.

i already want to go for a holiday. 3 weeks into skool. haha. i want to feed this want in myself, to go a holiday on my own, all alone. or mayb with the soccer team. i don't think i can go with shaz, so that's that. i want something different.

not this, all over again..

one song summarises thoughts now..

----------
End of Nothing (Funeral For A Friend)

Well killing you
Might be the only chance I have
Of recovering
But I know it's so severe
'Cause you know it would be
The punishment it fits the crime

So let's take this knife (Take this knife)
And run it down your chest
Does this feel like love? (Feel like love)
Here we are waiting

So let's take this knife
And run it down your chest
Does this feel like love?
Here we are waiting

The light feels good against
The bruises on your cheek
Another battle that you'll have to wear this week
The light feels good against
The bruises on your cheek
Another battle that you'll have to wear this week

Well killing me
Might be the only chance you have
Of recovering
But I know it's so severe
'Cause you know it would be
The punishment it fits your crime

You will die
We'll die from tonight
You will die
We'll die from tonight
You will die
We'll die from tonight
You will die
We'll die alone
----------

These things aren't supposed to happen. Or maybe, my mind refuses to accept, cause I was brought up learning that violence is never the answer. Its an irony when I say this, cause, its not as if I've never resorted to violence, but as much as I've tried to explain why I did it, I understand that there is no justification for resorting to it. It was a spur of the moment kind of thing, where fists flew faster than the mind could think. I'm not gonna elaborate more on the giving party/receiving end of this, as elaboration would only mean "pointing fingers", and I'm never one who likes to do that. I thrive on the vagueness when I blog.

The only thing I'd like to add is that, I've had two real-life experience with this shit, and both parties in both experiences never worked out, and in one serious consequences occurred. Please do not be the third. Think it through.